I recently asked myself the questions, what it truly means to be me – authentic, connected to my truth, whole.
I thought some time ago, I had found the answers. Ticked that questions off. Seems like, that was a little rushed.
Yes, I did find answers – some of them at least.
They helped me enormously to show up more as me, as ever before: Perfectly flawed, following what felt right back then. Connecting to new depths of joy and happiness, I had hardly ever experienced.
Now I realize, THE answer will never be found. Which is great!
Because it allows flexibility, change, growth and freedom. Freedom to choose differently, adjust approaches or even paths.
What if that was our very nature? Like in our childhood, when we never knew, what we were up to next or which skill & talent we would next discover.
I will take you one step further: What if we were all like rivers?
Constantly flowing – containing endless amounts water, endless abundance – originating from the one well, the source of all waters – flowing towards the same destination, back to unity with the great waters.
Not this or that aspect, personality trait, possession or skill – How could one extract or separate the water drops of the river from the whole?
Not the stream of water that was passing by 5 mins ago, nor the one fragment of water that will be floating by in the next moment.
Simply the whole – ever flowing – changing – simply existing.
Can sound a little dramatic, but I think, this image really fits.
As a river, I can never be stuck, nor tell myself that story.
I can never go back or stop the water. Unless there is an external blockage, like a fallen tree or a dam.
Even then, the nature of my water would be to find the path of least resistance, flowing around it or eventually collecting so much water, to overcome this obstacle.
From this perspective, one answer of the initial question would be:
Express from that inner connection.
And you will be you, one hundred percent aligned.
And sometimes resisting less, surrendering to my truth, means to face that conversation, to say no or to make that decision regardless of the possible consequences.
Trusting myself. Trusting the waters of my river to pass by new sceneries and landscapes. Trusting life to bring new experiences, opportunities, money, people, love…
It takes also presence and perseverance.
Observing every day who I have become and committing to being truthful to that.
How can I know, I am being truthfully truthful?
For me, my body tells me pretty directly what´s off, in form of feelings and sensations. If I don´t listen or understand, also in form of discomfort or dis-eases.
And most of the times just realizing and acknowledging will soothe it. Other times old pain, sadness, guilt caused by the misaligned behavior – emotional memories stored in the body – want to be released through singing, writing, crying, dancing, running, smashing something…
And it always takes a great deal of compassion for myself and everyone involved.
Courage to keep the heart open and try again next time the opportunity to act differently comes up.
Knowing the mere intention to do so, will bring that alignment for future reactions, untill eventually there is only conscious action, free of triggers to past hurts.
Knowing I can´t miss it. Because my water kept on flowing. New conditions, new skills and patterns will play out, as I sorted out the old ones through my presence and willingness to feel.
That´s the work. That´s one of the answers – at least for me – for now.